Having now spent a little time reading about education, at university sessions and in school itself I've started to understand teacherspeak. For instance:

"Neil has low attainment levels" means: Neil is retarded, I wish he was in someone else's class.

"Class 9C are challenging" means: Class 9C are bastards.

"Becky, would you like to explain to the class how you got your answer?" means: I'll be damned if I know what's going on.

"Open your textbooks and work quietly for the rest of the lesson" means: I'm hungover.

"I don't think it's any of your business whether I..." means: Damn! They're on to me!