Walking across the playground a pupil went past me and said: "I've not done nowt." Okay. That was a not undelicious double negative, implying that he had indeed done something. You have to wonder why he had such a guilty conscience - this anti-confession was completely out of the blue.

I was talking to a pupil in a classroom. "You have to shout at them or they won't listen", he says. Hey, don't tell me how to be a teacher, I don't tell you how to be a pupil. No, wait...

I went to photocopy a worksheet. Seeing as this was the first such occurence I had to ask in the office for assistance. I apologised as they were quite busy. "It's not your fault if they sent you," said the kind lady. I think the she thought I was a student who had been sent by their teacher. Damn my youthful looks! To avoid any embarrassment on either part I didn't set the record straight. Well it's not like I actually lied, except maybe by omission.