Having left secondary school some time ago - all of, oh, four years now - I'd forgotten the joys of trying to get high off non-toxic adhesives. But one of my pupils gave it a very good go. The irony being that because she was busy holding a glue stick next to her nose she was slightly less hyper than normal, though she still found time to ask if she could put Pritt-Stick on my nose - which was a bit messier and more flirtatious than I was really prepared to accept. Aside from that, and even more importantly, it would be a waste of valuable school resources.

Slightly dopey year seven: 'Sir are you leaving this week? Some people in our form were passing a card round for you - it's going to be a surprise.'
Me: 'Well it won't be much of a surprise now.'

Pause...

Pupil: 'Oh yeah.'

After countless lessons (too many even for a maths teacher to add up) I now face just one more day with the tag of 'student teacher'. Pretty soon I'll be a fully-fledged NQT, just so long as my academic tutor submits the marks to the university examination board on time, I don't call that cheeky year seven a 'little s***' and all the girls in my year eight class manage to resist making a last ditch pass at me.