Please forgive the cliched title, as a maths teacher I have to officially hate English and anybody associated with the subject, but 'proof by inspection' doesn't have such a good ring to it.

During my period one lesson yesterday with my top set year nines an inspector entered the room. As luck would have it this was one of my better lessons with the class, seeing as they were actually listening to me. Indeed during today's lesson one of them commented that 'I'd done really well' during the observation. If only they included such comments in reports.

On Friday the Headteacher came into my lesson, giving me the fright of my life. What had I done wrong? How was I supposed to know that you can't fix a photocopier jam by giving it a good kick? I swear I didn't touch that mug. These kids were stupid before I got here!

However it was merely to call a staff meeting for lunchtime. This was to announce that Ofsted would be paying the school a friendly visit. This will take place tomorrow and Thursday. All of a sudden us NQTs aren't the only ones worrying about assessment for learning and differentiated learning outcomes. I hope that I don't get any inspectors in my lessons, but if I do then I could always offer them the desk at the back... with the broken chair.

Finally I am 'proper' teacher, and with two weeks teaching behind me I'm already approximately 0.125% of the way through my career, assuming I actually survive long enough.

For the most part my classes seem lovely - the year sevens are still too frightened to do anything other than look like they're in the final of the musical statues championship - but I have an evil year ten class.

The 'highlight' being a note someone had saying that I was a 'big, gay bear'. Naturally they have no idea of my sexual persuasion so could be forgiven for getting the second part incorrect, however I would not describe myself as being especially big and de facto rather un-bear-like. I would attribute this foolishness to the fact that they're not really very bright. Insults that I would have accepted are: 'small, pompous twat', 'young, stuttering fool' or more simply, 'tosser'.

Other intercepted notes have involved their plans for Friday 'nyt', such as: 'then E sed 2 me wud a go wid him 2mo nyt n a sed ye. n am now imbarased.' Which I think translates as: 'And then my darling lover asked if perchance we could spend a romantic evening enjoying the pleasure of each other's company, to which I replied that I should be delighted as it would be most splendiferous. But now dear friend I feel such a clot and am crimson with embarrassment.' Or something.