On Friday the Headteacher came into my lesson, giving me the fright of my life. What had I done wrong? How was I supposed to know that you can't fix a photocopier jam by giving it a good kick? I swear I didn't touch that mug. These kids were stupid before I got here!

However it was merely to call a staff meeting for lunchtime. This was to announce that Ofsted would be paying the school a friendly visit. This will take place tomorrow and Thursday. All of a sudden us NQTs aren't the only ones worrying about assessment for learning and differentiated learning outcomes. I hope that I don't get any inspectors in my lessons, but if I do then I could always offer them the desk at the back... with the broken chair.

Finally I am 'proper' teacher, and with two weeks teaching behind me I'm already approximately 0.125% of the way through my career, assuming I actually survive long enough.

For the most part my classes seem lovely - the year sevens are still too frightened to do anything other than look like they're in the final of the musical statues championship - but I have an evil year ten class.

The 'highlight' being a note someone had saying that I was a 'big, gay bear'. Naturally they have no idea of my sexual persuasion so could be forgiven for getting the second part incorrect, however I would not describe myself as being especially big and de facto rather un-bear-like. I would attribute this foolishness to the fact that they're not really very bright. Insults that I would have accepted are: 'small, pompous twat', 'young, stuttering fool' or more simply, 'tosser'.

Other intercepted notes have involved their plans for Friday 'nyt', such as: 'then E sed 2 me wud a go wid him 2mo nyt n a sed ye. n am now imbarased.' Which I think translates as: 'And then my darling lover asked if perchance we could spend a romantic evening enjoying the pleasure of each other's company, to which I replied that I should be delighted as it would be most splendiferous. But now dear friend I feel such a clot and am crimson with embarrassment.' Or something.