You know it's all hopeless when your year sevens can't even manage to colour in correctly. One pupil was mindlessly scribbling on her work with no consideration for the fact that there was an actual picture to colour in, I described it as being a National Curriculum level 2 standard of colouring. This was a mistake as suddenly half the class had their hands up asking what level their work was at. Through the course of the lesson I accidentally came up with level descriptors:
Level 2 meant no consideration given to colouring between the lines.
Level 3 meant that they were attempting to colour between the lines but weren't quite there yet.
Level 4 meant they were mostly colouring between the lines, but the choice of colours was limited
Level 5 meant all colouring was accurate, with a good range of colours and each section was consistently shaded. Effects, such as the dazzling effect from stars or lights was starting to be added.

Incredibly all the pupils were striving towards improving to a level 5, I say incredibly because they all came up to secondary school on a level 4 in maths but have shown no interest whatsoever in raising that.

Being last thing on a Thursday after PE the lesson descended into the usual farce with pupils calling out and generally getting on my nerves:

'Sir, why are you being so nice today?'
'Aren't I always?'
'No'.
Oh.

'Why are you wearing trainers and not your school shoes?'
'Because they're in my bag - they've got astroturf on them.'
What?!

'Sir, I've made a mistake with the colouring in.' The girl in question holds up a picture of Santa with a black beard. maybe it was the fact that he looked like a pirate robbing presents from under someone's tree, maybe it was the thought of Santa dying his beard or maybe it was just the pressure of a long term showing through, but I couldn't stop myself from having a giggling fit and had to apologise afterwards. It was one of those lessons.