Tomorrow as part of the end-of-year shenanigans we all have to bring in some food for a buffet. The trick is thinking of what to bring in. The obvious choices are sausage rolls, pork pies, mini cooked sausages etc... Whilst looking round Sainsbury's for something I started to think it would be funny to bring in some hundreds and thousands. But then I thought that it wasn't funny really. If anything it would be quite sad that my life was so pathetic that something so banal could amuse me. I decided that my life isn't that pathetic, well not quite, so in the end I opted for some cheese and biscuit biscuits. Technically they're called biscuits for cheese but I think cheese and biscuit biscuits sounds more aumsing. Again, not funny really...

Now there’s a sentence any respectable young teacher would feel a little nervous about, and not one as geeky-looking as I would ever expect to say. Today after sports day I was holding the door open as the kids brought back inside the chairs they’d been sat on. Most kids said well-done to me for competing in the staff race or made some quip about my bucket handle breaking off. It might be a little egotistical but I swear that the deputy head’s daughter was checking me out in my PE kit. Added to the fact I once overheard her saying to her friends that she thought I was in fact. Well obviously not because it is of course very flattering but it’s also a little frightening. Well, maybe more like terrifying. I suppose it makes sense though because her mum fills me with terror too, albeit for very different reasons.

My plan is to ignore the problem and hope it goes away. Genius.

It’s the day every fat kid dreads. Having to run in front of the entire school. And it’s the same for teachers. There’s only one rule you need to worry about: don’t come last.

This afternoon we were blessed with golden sunshine, making it the first such afternoon all year in our rain-hit town. This meant sports day could go ahead, albeit on the astro-pitch rather than on the boggy marsh that used to be known as the field. We whizzed through the kids running races and got on to the serious business of the day: the teacher’s fun-race.

I was one of six competitors and having seen some of the others running in the relay races felt quite nervous. There was a theme of ‘how clean is your house’ and the course was: pick up the bucket at the start, run to put on an apron and a hat, pick up a mop, put on some rubber gloves run round a cone and back past the finish line. Simple. It was great at the start as the kids nearby chanted my name. I really enjoy that almost celebrity nature of teaching; it’s nice to feel important. Though I did struggle to fit my head inside my car to drive home.

In the end the female science NQT won. Beaten by a girl. The shame. You can insert your own ‘a woman’s place is…’ joke here. Though in all fairness the handle on my bucket did break off somehow. But to be honest I was just glad to not finish last.