There's just two days to go until we go back to school and I feel woefully unprepared, in fact I'm not entirely sure what subject I teach anymore. Science? IT? I know it's something a bit a geeky but I can't quite remember what. Still, we do at least have an INSET day to start with which seems void of any IN SErvice Training seeing as the schedule has a few meetings in the morning - with three tea/lunch breaks in the space of four hours - and the afternoon is spent 'in departments' which is code for tidying up rooms and panicking. This should give me a chance to make sure I'm ready for the hordes arriving on Tuesday.

I'm normally incredibly well organised - to the extent that less organised people quake in my presence - but I do have an excuse. I've been house hunting all summer and recently found a place so have been sorting out solicitors and mortgages and most importantly planning a trip to IKEA. I think it's safe to say I've taken my eye off the ball a little, or in other words don't have a clue what's going on.

Anyway I am actually looking forward to going back, quite probably because this cluelessness means I've forgotten what a pain the kids can be sometimes and when I think of teaching I picture a classroom full of little angels staring up at me desperate to learns about pie charts (Maths! I teach Maths! I knew I'd remember eventually) In my visions of my new year nine classes I actually imagine them being shorter than me. Admittedly they probably will be dopey, sleepy and grumpy but they almost definitely won't be dwarves. But even if they are the most incredibly irritating children on the planet they are at least new to me, so their misbehaviour will seem cute at first. Unlike my classes last July who were so predictable that it was just plain annoying.

I'm also looking forward to seeing the other teachers and checking out who's got a tan. Personally I've barely stretched my legs so far south as the midlands so will look a little gothic when stood next to someone who's been to Majorca.

Not long now.