It's definitely true that kids say some really funny things. I'm sure that I laugh more working in a school than any other job, apart from maybe a laughing gas tester. The only trouble is that alot of children have similar senses of humour. During registration: 'Sir, are you going trick or treating?'. Year nine: 'Sir, are you going trick or treating?' Year ten: 'Sir, are you going trick or treating?' And so on. By the end of the day I was sorely tempted to tell them that I was in fact a vampire and would suck their blood if they didn't stop asking about halloween. But then they'd just start asking what blood type I prefered the taste of or where I kept my crypt.

We’ve only been back at school a few days and already it’s seeping into my subconscious. After using the phrase ‘sitting down with no clothing’ in my year nine lesson (I meant no outdoor clothing) I had a very peculiar dream last night which involved sitting in a lecture theatre listening to a professor talking about the said phrase, which was now a metaphor for something or other. He was saying it’s origins were unknown and I was desperately trying to hide and avoid being found out when the girl in my other year nine class who all the boys flirt with suddenly appears and shouts out – which is definitely true to form - and points at me. I then run off and try to escape via the toilet but find that it’s actually just a great big sink and I slide in and fall down the plug-hole. Presumably to some hell-like dimension where everyone’s in year nine and twenty feet tall.