My second full day of the camp was the toughest. I was to go up a mountain with a group. At eight hundred and seventy four feet above sea level Goat Fell is an enticing propostion for someone like me who loves hills, especially when you consider that you start by the coast so are at zero metres when you set off. In typical fashion the pupils were asking why it was called Goat Fell, they quite reasonably wondered if a goat had fallen from it. I explained that fell was just another word for hill. 'Why don't they just call it Goat Hill then?' I had to pass on this one.

We climbed up very steadily, not helped by my colleague from the English department - smoker - needing to stop for breath every five minutes. One boy was offering me a race up the hill but I wasn't going to bite, even if my competitive urge meant I wanted to show him who was boss. We actually climbed so high that my ears popped and soon found ourselves in the clouds. When we reached the top we were fortunate enough that the skies cleared and offered us up some fantastic views. It was truly majestic and I tried to pose for the camera in a manly fashion but only ended up looking rather camp. This was to be a common theme for me as the week went on but I'll come to that later. I mused that maybe I ought to show off my biceps to which Miss English asked 'what biceps?'

Coming down the hill should have been easier but we struggled down the steep sections as we tried to avoid any more twisted ankles. You'd have thought that as it leveled off we would have been safe but one foolish person was distracted by a conversation about someone being related to Ray Davies from the Kinks, got over-excited and tripped over a rock. I'll admit it, it was me. It's amazing how my ability to make a fool of myself in front of women has transferred so seamlessly to being able to make a fool of myself in front of my pupils. I actually cut my arm quite badly, though in typical boy fashion I was disappointed that there wasn't more blood. Fortunately I had a first aid kit in my bag, unfortunately I didn't really have a clue what anything was. I was fumbling round for an anti-septic wipe and was ready to open it until Ray Davies's niece (sort of, apparently the girls Auntie had divorced him just before she was born) pointed out that I was actually holding a bandage. Eventually Miss English caught us up and played nurse and cleaned me up.

We struggled on down the hill with frequent breaks. For motivation I showed the pupils my driving licence. The picture on it was taken when I was sixteen and I look awful on it. The common consensus was that i looked like either a spack or a poohead. I didn't disagree.

Seven hours after we'd started our walk we managed to reach the bottom. There we had to wait for a mini-bus to pick us up and take us back to the youth hostel. Scotland is famous for having lots of midges and it didn't disappoint us. We all had some kind of midge-repellent though one pupil called there's midget-repellent, which sounds like what Charlie would use in his Chocolate Factory if he got sick of the Oompa-Loompas. My midge-repellent was so hopeless that i quipped that maybe I'd brought midge-attractant with me, the response to which from one boy was 'at least you attract something'. It was such a rude comment but he said it with such an endearingly cheeky smile that I couldn't get mad at him and just opened my mouth with mock offense.

Back at the youth hostel in the evening and after a change of clothes we were hanging around in the lounge when suddenly my sexuality came under question. This has been happening a lot lately and to be honest I'm not entirely sure why. In this case though it was because I was apparently wearing girls trousers. I disputed this but then one of the girls in our party went upstairs to show me her trousers that admittedly were very similar to my own. I wouldn't want to have the same fashion sense as a teenage girl but on the plus side this girl is very stylish so it's not all bad.

The day ended with a trip to the pub for the male staff on the camp. Thankfully I was allowed along even though I was alledgedly wearing female clothes.