My year eights are extremely immature and find fart noises funny. They have the right to be immature what with being twelve years old, but it's nice to have a joke with my year elevens who in some cases have a more sophisticated sense of humour. Even if some of them still find fart noises amusing.

It was my last lesson with them before Christmas so we were having a nice chill-out lessons featuring a vaguely maths related quiz. Most took it seriously but one group took a far more entertaining approach.

Xmas Maths Quiz

1. The number of men in the pop group Westlife + the number of Teletubbies

but half might be girls. Teletubbies aren't real sorry sir

2. The number of legs on a spider multiplied by the number of days in a week.

spider might be deformed - inequality! Who get's to decide how many days are in a week

3. The number of colours in the Union Jack times the total number of legs on a pig, penguin and python.

what if you're colour blind or even blind

4. The number of days in a leap year + the number of blind mice in the nursery rhyme.

why bring people's sight into it

5. The number of cards in a deck (excluding the jokers) multipled by the total number of fingers and thumbs on a person

why single someone out on their occupation?

6. The number of days in February (not in a leap year) divided by the number of children the Queen has.

we are the Queen's children sir. In her eyes.

7. The total number of eyes on 4 people divided by the number of countries that make up the UK

what if some people don't have eyes - this is discriminatory

8. Number of minutes in an hour - the number of hours in a day

as the beachboys said " round, round get around..."

9. Number of weeks in a year - the total number of people in a football team (not including subs)

so subs are not even worth counting? They're people too you know!

10. Number of centimetres in a metre divided by the number of the Prime Minister's house

sir I don't know, I don't stalk the prime minister

11. The number of wise men x the number of doors on a standard advent calendar

there may not be 3 because the bible never actually says. Who gets to decide who is wise or not?

12. The number of boys in the class squared

what if there are pupils with no specefic genger

13. The number of degrees latitude at the equator x the number of year nine pupils at our school.

The people in year nine don't count as people at all

14. The number of degrees in a right angle divided by the number of lessons before lunch

what's wrong with the left angle

15. The number of sides on a hexagon x the number of metres in a kilometre

In the words of Boris Johnson, get rid of the bendy buses

16. The number of pairs of parallel sides on a parallelogram x number of sides with equal length on an isosceles triangle

how long is a piece of string?

17. The number of girls in the class x the number of letters in mathematics

again sir. some people may not have a specific gender. SEGREGATION

18. The number of lesson in a week divided by the first prime number.

why rank numbers, who decides which number comes first or last?

19. Jesus' birthday x the number of gifts the wise men brought.

I don't see why the quantity of gifts is an issue... it's the thought that counts. quality not quantity

20. The total number of legs in the first five days of Christmas

2 because I don't grow extra legs for Christmas

Pure genius.