It Shouldn't Happen to a Teacher

Thursdays are an easy day for me. Due to a timetabling system that's presumably borrowed from a bus company I have three frees all at once. It allows me to make sure I'm ahead of the gaming with planning and marking and catch up on any other little jobs. It's also opportunity for to cause chaos around the school.

I emptied my room of any coats that have been left behind. I'd been a bit slack with this recently so had quite a pile, earning me a disapproving look from the person in charge of lost property. We really should take things down as soon as possible but quite often is something gets left in your room the pupil comes back for it anyway. To avoid further scorn I'll be a bit more pro-active about it next time.

From there I went to do some photocopying, during which time I managed to give the copier a serious error. Apparently this is only the second time that particular machine has had an error - as opposed to a paper jam, which happens qutie regularly - so I was quite honoured.

Periods two and three I actually had to teach some classes. Though seeing as they were just doing their end of year - yes, it's that time already - exams, it wasn't excitement central.

In the afternoon I was interviewing some pupils about behaviour. I'm attending these meeting about Behaviour for Learning, which is to do with coming up with a policy on behaviour rather than just discussing the behaviour itself. Impressively they haven't just descended into a whinge-fest about everythign that goes wrong in the school. Curiously the pupils felt that a good shouting at was far more effective than a removal or a detention.

I was just settling down to mark some of the tests from the morning when the phone rang and I had to do a last minute cover. The Assistant Head was speaking to the police about a fight that had taken place the previous day so needed someone to take his year ten citizenship lesson. He put Question Time from the BBC i-player up on the projector and left me to it. It was all about the expenses scandal and after a few minutes I'd lost interest myself. There's a time and a place for Question Time and it isn't in a sweaty classroom at around three in the afternoon. Seeing as they were pleasant enough children they were at least capable of sitting and talking quietly without turning the chairs and tables upside down, though I still couldn't help but check the time every five seconds. Their teacher apologised to me later for putting me in such a situation.

To finish the day I attended the aforementioned Behaviour for Learning meeting. All of which fun and games meant I took a huge stack of marking home with me to complete in the evening, not something I had been expecting to be doing. I can't help but feel that somehow all the marking would have been done already if I'd been teaching a full day's worth of lessons. Such is life in a school.

Teenagers aren't renowned for their high levels of tact. If they think something it's more than likely that two seconds later they will say it. It's all part of the richy tapestry that makes life in the classroom so entertaining.

My year nine class aren't about to set any records for achievement so they have a Teaching Assistant attached to them, which is just as well as even though they're a nice bunch of kids - for the most part - they're not always easy to control. Especially as I'm a bit of a soft touch so need all the help I can get.

Yesterday afternoon the TA was supporting a pupil doing a GCSE exam so couldn't be in the lesson. At the end of the hour one of the girls says to me, 'I think we've been really good today... seeing as Miss wasn't here'. It's not the sort of comment that does wonders for my self-esteem but she had a point. I always try to keep a sense of perspective about things. If before I'd started teaching I'd been told to expect a low-ability year nine class to behave so well on a Friday afternoon I'd have been ecstatic.

I'm not above being blunt myself. My year elevens all have these books they're getting their friends and teachers to sign and Friday was my turn. In some cases it was easy to think of things to write: 'thanks for all your hard work', 'you make me laugh', 'it's been a pleasure to teach you' and lots of other cliches. In some cases it was harder. One girl had been sent to my class from another group because she'd had a catastrophic falling out with her previous teacher so I'd put 'you were much nicer than I expected. I'm glad you joined this class.'

The hardest was trying to find something nice to write about a girl who'd been nothing but trouble ever since I started teaching her. I put something ambiguous like 'it's been entertaining. Good luck in the future.' She looked disappointed that I hadn't written more. I think she has the delusion that even though she's a pain I have a bit of a soft spot for her. I really don't. She was lucky I wasn't completely honest with her because then I'd have just written 'you're fat and I don't like you.' Believe me, it was tempting.

My year nines are immature. This isn't exactly a revelation as children are allowed to be immature sometimes, it goes with the territory. On occasions though it makes life difficult.

'Sir, what's a prostitute?'

'You saying my Mum's a whore?'

Later in the same day with my year tens:

'Sir Fred drew a penis in my book'

'Is that yours Fred?'

Unfortunately that question could be interpreted two ways, what I meant was did he draw the picture, but unsurprisingly my pupils took it the other way.

All in a day's work.

Of late it seems that I'm not actually teaching my pupils and providing them with a stimulating learning experience, merely getting them ready for the next big test. My primary focus is on my year elevens and getting them through their final GCSE exams. It's a highly stressful time for all concerned. There's the not insignificant matter of actually making sure they understand the material they will be tested on but also finalising entering them for Higher or Foundation. In essence this was decided long ago, but moving someone onto Foundation now is a last minute bolt-hole to avoid any disasters. For any of my group it should provide a reasonably safe C grade, which is what most of them are after anyway.

It is highly worrying how focused we have to be on testing around this time of the year. No one likes the idea of teaching to the test but we have little choice when it comes down to the crunch. I don't think our pupils would appreciate having really fun lessons and then failing their exams.

All the stress then boils over into your other lessons. My year eights immediately followed my year elevens and I was in a bit of a mood with them at the start and less patient with them than I should have been. It was a lesson of two halves as I reminded myself to be positive and that praise is far more effective than nagging.

We do far too much testing with other year groups too. Our year nines are doing their big exams right now and it seems like such a waste of time. They were in the Sports Hall yesterday afternoon doing a Geography exam. One of the pupils I teach put her hand up and asked if I thought she'd written enough for ten marks. I told her that I didn't know and she shouldn't worry because it's just a test.

When we were collecting in their papers the same pupil asked if I could write the name on the front because she didn't know how to spell it. I paused as I wondered whether she was taking the proverbial. 'I mean the teacher's name, it's hard to spell'. I was relieved as for a moment I thought she didn't know how to spell her own name, and I told her so.

I can't wait to get to the end of June when everything slows down and we can refocus on actually teaching.