Sports Day rolled around once more and as with last year I took part in the staff ninety-six metre dash (our astro isn't quite long enough). I'd love to say I put in a creditable performance and gave a good account of myself, but in all honesty I was crap. I was fifth, which sounds respectable but there were only five runners to start with and I was so far behind at the finish that I almost feel too embarrassed to claim the place. Some of my year tens found me later on and when I described my race it was thus:

I started slowly and soon fell behind, then I fell a bit further behind in the middle and at the end they all finished, then it was pause...pause... a slightly longer pause... and then I crossed the line.

They debated that there should in fact have been another pause in there. I still got a huge cheer though; these kids are far too easy to impress. Lots of people, both pupils and staff, said well done to me. I wasn't sure if they were being ironic or patronising. All except one year seven who told me in no uncertain terms that I was rubbish at running. I appreciated her candidness and had to agree. In all fairness to myself the other teachers taking part actually do a fair bit of recreational running whereas my last sprint was exactly one year ago in exactly the same place. And I bet they don't know pi to fifty decimal places either.

One of the senior teachers said to me that perhaps it was an indication to slow down in life, though I'd say a lack of speed was the problem in the first place. I like my beer and chocolate too much to be a health freak. I'm really quite thin but I give scant regard to fitness and physical prowess. I don't think I helped my cause this afternoon by polishing off a tube of Pringles last night while watching a film. As an aside it was Singin in the Rain, which thankfully we weren't doing today. I probably ought to try to keep in shape better but that can start tomorrow (all the best diets start tomorrow) because I had fish and chips tonights. To my credit I bought some 99 calorie bottles of Carling, and no it was just lots of small bottles. That represents progress.

As far as running in Sports Day goes I'll probably do the same again next year, and with the same result. When we're picking teams for Sports Day and our termly Team Sports competitions I'm always banging on to my form about how it's an achievement just to take part so I think it's important that I practise what I preach. I'd also like to think I'm proof that it's okay to suck at something.